It is so easy to let others make extreme leaps of faith; to step out on a limb and trust God in everything. It is easy to sit back with your feet propped up watching others make a difference. It takes absolutely no effort to be a bystander. You might thing you are saving yourself from inevitable pain and bruises as you sit on the sidelines. How could you get hurt if you aren’t in the middle of all the action?

I remember being on the basketball team at my high school…I was not that great.  I had “potential”, but I wasn’t aggressive enough. I was clumsy. I usually made the wrong decision in crucial situations (like letting the ball slip out of my hands and turning it over to the other team). I was comfortable sitting on the bench, because there wasn’t any pressure. I couldn’t make a mistake if I wasn’t in the game. There was no chance I would mess everything up if I didn’t play at all. I had the wrong perspective. I had no confidence in myself, and the coaches saw that. If they would have seen me with an eagerness to play, I would have been in the game. I would work so hard at practice; I had played since I was seven years old. I knew what to do and how to do it, but when it came to game time, I froze. They saw what I could be, and were willing to give me the chance to be my best. However, that is not what I wanted. I was OK with being overlooked when it came time to send in a substitute for an exhausted player. I was OK with being the only player to not break a sweat. So, I sat.

I was setting myself up for a miserable existence. I never experienced the thrill of scoring the winning shot or the game-changing point. I didn’t get the chance to hear my coach say, “Great job! I am proud of you.”

Proverbs 1:32 says, “For the waywardness of the simple will kill them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them.” Comfort has power. It may seem like you’re avoiding all the responsibility and chance of failure, but really it’s not protecting you from anything. Failure is guaranteed when you don’t attempt to succeed. If you never try, you will never see what it feels like to soar.

We were created for this time. You are called, set apart and destined for greatness. You are your biggest advocate. If you never try, you will never know how God can use you. Simplicity and complacency are dangerous. Don’t be simple-minded – dream bigger than you have ever dreamed. Don’t get comfortable – there are lives to be impacted. You have a purpose, and that purpose is to throw yourself into God’s plan.

Would you rather end your life saying “I could have” or “I did”?

Not only did I wake up fully rested, but I also realized my throat wasn’t hurting anymore, and my body aches were gone. For the last two days, I have barely been able to move. Every muscle in my body hurt…with a single movement I felt as if I was recovering from a fight that really took a toll on my body. I also had blisters in my throat, and swollen tonsils; mix these symptoms with cold chills, sinus headaches, and no appetite. The Dr.’s diagnosis was strep throat and the flu. I have had both of these sicknesses, and it takes much more than a day of rest to recover. His instructions, “Take care of yourself. Slow down, don’t do anything. Let someone else do it. You need this time to rest.”

It kind of made me mad leaving the Dr. and knowing the weekend that was looming ahead…I didn’t have time to rest and let my body heal. In this case, I didn’t have a choice. Maybe it was everyone around me pushing me to a day full of nothing but silence and medicine; maybe it was that my body had never felt like this before. The pain I was in was incomparable to anything else I have ever faced. Whatever the reason, I somehow forced myself to do absolutely nothing yesterday. It was a day of healing.

When I woke up this morning, I had a different perspective of battling this sickness.

One major part of staying healthy is rest. Any physical trainer, doctor, or mom will tell you that you have to rest. Our bodies need it. If you’re exercising, taking your vitamins and eating healthy it still isn’t enough. If you don’t have rest, your body will still shut down at some point. The same is true in your spirit. Just like in our life, we can get so busy that we don’t take care of ourselves spiritually. This can mean a lack of reading the word, spending time in prayer, and reflecting on each one of God’s blessings. A crucial part of having a healthy spirit is finding rest in Him.

In Psalm 22:1-2 David is crying out to God. He says, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish? My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, I find no rest.” In all his anguish, he couldn’t find rest. In the day to day battles we face, with the enemy attacking from every side, it isn’t easy to find rest when you feel like you have to be on guard at all times. The problems, unresolved issues, discord…all these things can get in the way of our rest. It is so easy to get so distracted with the problems that we lost sight of the problem solver.

40 chapters later, David again mentions finding rest in God in Psalm 62.

“Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress. I will never be shaken. How long will you assault me? Would all of you throw me down – this leaning wall, this tottering fence? Surely they intended to topple me from my lofty place; they take delight in lies. With their mouths they bless, but In their hearts they curse. Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. Surely the lowborn are but a breath, the highborn are but a lie. If weighed on a balance, they are nothing together they are only a breath. Do not trust in extortion or put vain hope in stolen goods; though your riches increase, do not set your heart on them. One thing God has spoken, two things I have heard; “Power belongs to you, God, and with you, Lord is unfailing love”’ and, “You reward everyone according to what they have done.”

Just like David, I want to be able to be in the middle of my own personal hell and still be able to find rest in Him.  This means having faith that He will work everything out; knowing that His plan is flawless. It means understanding that there is purpose in every single battle we face. It is relying on His power, grace, and strength to get us through. I want to be able to truly rest; to find peace in the midst of my pain.

I don’t know what is next. I don’t know which step to take, and I feel like I am trying to keep my balance as something pushes me from behind; wanting me to move, needing me to move. All I feel is the pressure, not the guidance. I am patiently waiting for His hand to reach out and help me.

Jeremiah 29:11 is a familiar verse, one of my favorite, that says, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” I usually just stop with that verse. Today, for some reason, I kept reading. Verse 12 continues by saying “‘Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you.’” This reminded me of The Father’s Heart by Hillsong that says, “Open hearted, I will search, and I will find.” I remembered this line and listened to the song. The lyrics spoke to me in a new way.

When the walls close in around me

Let Your glory light the darkness of my night

When the suffering’s all that i see

May I walk with You by faith and not by sight

On the throne of sweet surrender

I have nothing but to offer You my life

Greater love I have not found it

All by mercy You have eased this troubled mind

Open hearted

I will search

And I will find

Isn’t that beautiful?

I can’t help but reflect on these questions…

Who am I influencing?

What difference am I making?

Am I letting Him use me?

I moved leaving an incredible, Godly family behind to pursue my God-given dreams. I recently had my grandparents fly out to visit with me. I enjoyed so much spending time with them, but it was just another reminder of the fact that they were still in Georgia, living their life, without me. I was looking at their camera of pictures we took while they were here. They were happy memories and moments we shared. As I kept scrolling through the images, I saw pictures of my brother Hamilton’s signing day for college, his senior night for basketball, his birthday, Harrison’s birthday, my mom and dad’s birthday celebrations, my cousin’s homecoming, Halloween (my birthday) that was celebrated without me…they were all happy memories that I will never be a part of. The enemy’s voice has been so loud saying, “Don’t you see what you’re missing? Your family is growing and changing without you. They have each other, you have no one. You are alone. Doesn’t your God value family? Why would He separate you from yours?”

It’s so easy as a girl who has been in church all my life, seen God move in amazing ways, and had real encounters with Him to just tell myself “you’re not alone, you are never alone.” I do know that I am not alone. That God has a plan, and it is flawless. There is purpose in the pain, in the solitary times, in the moments of brokenness. I know He sees me, I know He is for me, I know He hears my cry and sees my tears. However, it is one thing to tell yourself these things and feel so completely different. Sometimes all the knowledge we have of God, all the experiences, all the triumphs, and low times when He’s held us in the past still make it hard to truly believe what we “know” and “have seen”. Even though these words just fell like words today, I know that victory will come, and they won’t just be words anymore, but a testimony of His faithfulness, His love, and His grace.

Yet, I continue on.

With faith and hope that days like today will come.

Days like today when there is an undescribable joy that feels my heart. Days like today when I can feel Him here, almost wrapping me in His love. Days when I know He’s listening, and my words aren’t just words. Days when my spirit sings and my heart cries out to draw closer and know Him in a new way.

It’s days like today that keep me going.

Mark 10:14-15 says,

“ ¹⁴Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of God. ¹⁵Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.”

I should be fascinated by Him. Captivated by His love. Enamoured by His grace & forgiveness. Awestruck by even the smallest blessings in my life; to a child, nothing is insignificant. I am breathing…thank You. My heart is beating…thank You. I have life…thank You. I should view the world through optimistic eyes, knowing that nothing is impossible with Him. I should be fearless knowing He is fighting my battles and guiding me in every step. I shouldn’t get carried away worrying about tomorrow, but instead resting and enjoying today. I shouldn’t make my own plans, but be dependent on the plans of my Father…not making a single decision on my own. I should be sensitive to His voice, and quick to answer His call.

This is my childlike prayer:

“God, I want to be fascinated, enamoured and intrigued by You. Thank You for giving me life, and the chance to simply know You. Thank You for the breath I just breathed, and the blue sky outside. Thank you for my family, my friends, my dreams, hope, love, grace, forgiveness…help me to forgive. Thank You for holding my hand and leading me. I want to see the world through Your eyes. I want to know Your voice, the voice of my Father.”

1. Birthday Candles

1. 85 Degrees Cafe

1. Books & Beaches

1. Streets Named After Me

1. Yogurtland Flavors After Me

1. Brunch

1. Hammock Laughter

1. No Make-Up Days

1. Playing Dress-Up